Also, when your jet-lagged partner suggests you watch this franchise sci fi feature with a married female lead, do NOT agree. Not unless you want to see a 45-minute (it felt that long) self c-section conducted by said female lead while removing her Lovecraftian progeny.
Guess what those two movies were. I've spoiled you enough with clues.
All I'm saying is that it does not help the pregnant woman's imagination (and vivid dream life) to expose oneself to negative images of birthing. Unfortunately, they're everywhere.
Take for example this photo:
Please.
Not to take anything from motherhood, but son of mine, I had fun making you. I didn't even know I was making you. I hope the foundation of our relationship does not base on warm fuzzy guilt over me going through something I decided on without your consent or approval. The rest of your life and the sacrifices that await are a different story and something I'll most likely blame on daddy-o instead of you, so let's move on.
I don't think about the pain. I think there are worst things than being in labor. Labor pains mean the body is going through changes it's designed to go through. Labor pains trump being run over by a steam roller. At the end of labor you get natural oxytocin high and a beautiful baby. Getting run over gets you broken bones. The only way that's exciting is if you happen to be a big masochist.
Apart from the usually crazy pregnancy dreams that involve chibi kitty armies and giving birth to multiple talking babies, I've had vivid dreams of the partner dying, and of miscarrying (worst nightmare to date). All understandable when you've recently lost a loved one.
Add that to the existential crisis of bringing another human being into the world before you've even grown up and stopped playing video games.
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| Retro games just mean you're in your thirties with a raging Peter Pan complex |
She went on to say both mother and assist would be fined a thousand pesos each if they went on with the home birth, and I'm guessing she didn't want it on her record. She said I was fortunate not to have my records with their center, or else they'd really run after me if I went ahead and gave birth at home. She was also proud to say that our province (Biliran) is top in maintaining this ordinance. I wanted to cry.
I asked about cases where the woman could not get to the center on time, or because she lived too far away. She said they usually just brought the mother and child to the center just to have it on record that the birthing was done there, and to avoid fining. Even when the mother absolutely refused to go to the center. Those were the ones they fined, she added with glee.
I asked the woman if I could bring a pool to the center. She told me to tell my mother to talk to the doctor in charge of the center. In other words, "Have your authority figure talk to my authority figure."
In case you haven't noticed 'nang, I'm beyond the age of consent. I'm addressing you because I'm the one giving birth. Even if my mother or my partner was around, I'd still be the one calling the shots. It's my motherf*cking body and my (yet-to-be) motherf*cking baby!
I didn't tell her that. I doubt she was used to getting questioned by twenty-something first-time mothers. So I just smiled and stabbed her in my mind for being a bureaucratic ass wipe and bid her goodbye. I hope lihi isn't true and the baby doesn't end up looking like her.
I personally don't mind giving birth in the center, and the fine is still way cheaper imo than most hospital bills, so it's no biggy if you can afford to pay off (I wonder how much St. Luke's charges for waterbirths). But how about those who never get to the center because they can't even pay for transpo? Are they automatically indebted to the government?
I understand that the ordinance is meant to fight maternal mortality rates, but fining people? That's your solution? Why does the government think that taking people's money is better than educating people about options AND preventive measures? Why not just train the mananabang if they're so incompetent?
I feel for the mother who was forced out of her home, out of her choices, out of believing she could give birth by herself. I feel for every woman who was silently laughed at for doing her own research about the birthing process and not leaving it to the "experts". I ESPECIALLY feel for the woman who's been removed from the decision-making process of her own birthing because she wasn't deemed competent to make her own decisions.
Women die of childbirth. This is true. Babies die at childbirth too. Both are horrible instances that happen less often than what we're made to believe. For all we know, the anxiety and overestimation of the dangers in what's supposed to be a natural event might be to blame for a percentage of these tragedies.
Until recently, nuchal cords (cord coils) were dealt with by cutting the cord immediately as the head surfaced for fear that it was suffocating junior. Then it was found that THIS was what killed babies, because they held their breaths until the whole body was born and they still needed the oxygen from the umbilical cord you just cut off.
See I'm not afraid of the pain. What I'm afraid of is not being allowed to handle the pain, of that decision being taken away from me. I'm afraid of being made to feel weak and powerless and incapable. In my book, that's worse than getting a C-section.
So if you know anyone who's about to give birth, do them a huge favor by laying low on the cortisol and just NOT be a fear mongering asshole. The need to first and foremost do right by the child is top on any expectant mother's list. That, above all, is why you should thank your mother for giving birth to you. Thank you very much and have a nice day. :)
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