Week 37: Any Day Now

Friends and colleagues from Cebu came to our town for a guerrilla public screening we put together at the municipal hall. Hence there being no updates since last week.

Baby's considered full term now. Baby watch begins this week til week 42. Father creature is staying with me til we're all patched up and ready to go back to Cebu. For the night is dark and full of terrors. The only time I feel like my old mobile self again is in the sea. Gravity is no friend of mine. Baby no longer kicks as much as he used to, but he does a lot of pushing around now. Daddy does this game with him that's almost like whac-a-mole whenever a baby ass or elbow or foot pushes against my belly.

this has never happened to us though.

There's nothing like waiting for a baby. We meet new people all the time, some of which become important to us. But with babies, you have 9 months of fair warning that your life is going to be changed forever. The closest thing I can compare this anticipation to is when you're waiting for a highly anticipated movie to appear on pirate bay. This feeling, multiplied a thousand times over.

I worry about meeting the baby. I'm not afraid of the birthing process, it's the aftermath that scares me. What if, for all this excitement, the actual meeting becomes anticlimactic? What if there's something wrong with my body, and I don't get that oxytocin cocktail skin-to-skin contact within the first hour of birth's supposed to bring? What if I haven't completely purged myself of expectation and get depressed that baby looks too much like the assholes I was pissed at during the first trimester? What if in my depression, I throw the kid to the pits?

Here's hoping kid's cool enough to survive.

I guess we'll see.