Pisti Ka Pain

I noticed Laya had taken to snorting like a pig through feedings, without the expected porcine appetite the other day. We were set to go to the beach the next day for sunlight and saltwater to help heal my lady-parts. I thought we should pay the pedia a visit just to get the snorting and wheezing checked. He was diagnosed with mild pneumonia and sent to the hospital for antibiotics.

I, the big neurotic, broke down in mommy's office as we discussed what could have led to the pneumonia. He'd only had it for a day, so the waterbirth was ruled out. Maybe it was how he was always naked. Maybe it was how we lived in a nipa house in the mountains, where the summer sun baked us hot in the mornings, while the breeze blew us cold in the evenings. Maybe it was how mommy and daddy kept sneezing. Maybe it was how we were always generous with kisses. Maybe it was my laziness in burping him after feeding. Maybe it was the angle at which I was feeding him.

Argh. I feel like a bad mom. For all my naningness, it seemed I missed the obvious rules on newborn parenting. My own mom told me to pull myself together, that this was just the beginning.

After the IV was inserted, and the doctor administered a nasal spray, his appetite returned and the wheezing all but stopped. He still has mucous in his nostrils, and we're supposed to finish the antibiotics, so we're still here.

One of my aunts came to visit and noticed the IV stopped dripping, and there was a spot of blood on the bandages where the needle's supposed to be connected to a vein - all indications that the dextrose was no longer connected and needed to be reattached. I asked Chris to go with the nurse while reattachment was done.

Meanwhile, I sit here, cursing the world of pain Malaya is entering. Nevermind that he's only smiling through it and healing faster than expected.

I am honestly embarrassed by my wussiness in the face of my baby's pain. He's a strapping young fellow with an infectious laughter, never mind that we have no idea what he's laughing at (probably his neurotic mommy), why should I worry?

Man, how is this kid going to be able to ever do cool things like cliff diving; coconut tree climbing; bungee jumping; wolf wrestling; etc. etc. if mommy's afraid of a few bugs and needles?

I'm sorry baby. I need to work on these nerves of mine. I'm just glad you're not empathizing and crying out for me.