The Wait

So the past 2 weeks have been interesting.

We're back in the island to birth, going back to my previous OB to see if she was still up for it. She said she was fine, but would need a permit from the mayor and the MHO (Municipal Health Officer).

I managed to interview the MHO and found out what the fuss was about my first birthing: Apparently, the nationwide homebirth ban was patterned after an ordinance that originated from the very town I had birthed in. Before the ordinance, the maternal and neonatal mortality rates were horrifyingly high because of unprofessional practices, lack of prenatal care leading to complications, lack of ambulances to bring birthing mothers when complications spring up, etc etc. She did stress though that they thought my birthing was fine the first time because an OB Gyne was at hand.

My mom was the one to tell me about the repercussions: what if someone with less obsessive researching skills as I decided they wanted a waterbirth too because it seemed cool and rumor has it that someone (yours truly) had already done it in a makeshift pool no less? Soon everyone will think of birthing as a trip to the spa instead of the life and death situation it should be considered as! Soon swimming pools will take business away from hospitals! Soon whale-sized mamas will run loose in the waters of Oslob and take away the spotlight from whalesharks! Oh noes!

I'm kidding.

So we left the offices led to believe those permits were not a problem.

And then a couple of days later, last Monday actually, I went to my OB who checked me. I was 1 cm open. I understand that 1cm is a looooong way to go before birthing, but I pestered my mother to check up on those permits. Which she did. In the morning, the MHO was like "Oh it's no problem, I just need to check up with the mayor..."

So we got the room cleaned, got the pool sterilized, prepped some padsicles, and then we were about to get water when my mom dropped a bomb. I wasn't getting that permit.

The MHO texted her by noon, something along the lines of "After consulting with the council, I cannot recommend that you push through with a waterbirth... bla bla bla"

Frustrating noh? I wish she'd just told me to my face rather than have me running around prepping for a homebirth that wasn't going to happen. I also figured that even if they didn't want me to birth in the water, there was nothing keeping me from using a tub for labor, which I felt was when the pool was most helpful the first time.

I will be absolutely honest. Malaya's birth was one of the most spiritual experiences in my entire life. For it not to happen in a warm welcoming environment was devastating. I mourned my birthing scenario, told myself that THAT experience was a luxury I was lucky to be afforded, and to consider this an opportunity to see what everybody else has to deal with for myself. Maybe it wouldn't be so horrible. After all, I still get a baby after the whole thing.

We visited the birthing center in town and asked about the afterbirth process. I asked how much leeway we'd have regarding the aftercare. Turns out, not much. On the plus side, they were pushing for breastfeeding and Unang Yakap (or kangaroo care). However, I would NOT be allowed to keep the cord unclamped. They also didn't have space for my pool, which I asked to at least bring with me for labor. I was also told that since I'd already gotten checked up by a doctor stationed at a particular hospital, I wouldn't be allowed to birth in their center.

So we went to the hospital to check the facilities and ask about aftercare. A miscommunication led to me getting checked. The nurse told me I was already 5-6cm dilated.

WHAT.

THE.

EXPLETIVE.

...


With Malaya, it took so much frickin pain before I even GOT to 5cm. And 6cm was transition. It was active labor. It was time to get into the pool!

But the pool was 20 minutes away, and my doctor recommended I get a room reserved. I thought, I might not actually need the pool if I was progressing this painlessly.

It took a while to get me a room. The suite rooms were upstairs, and I was told that after a mother lost her baby when it came out of her while taking the stairs heading to the delivery room, they started keeping mothers downstairs near the DR, but nobody was around to clean the only vacant room around.

One of the nurses at the OB station was a high school classmate, who let me in their station to sit down while we waited for a room. They chatted about Probinsyano while I endured a throbbing contraction with lower back pain that made me feel like passing out. I asked about their aftercare and waivers several times. One nurse came in and interviewed me for their forms. After asking for my religion and her raising an eyebrow at me asking not to put anything, I asked to sign the forms myself. I asked about whether I could opt out of certain things (eye ointment, Hepa B injection) considering I'd been tested just a couple of months ago and was told to just talk to my doctor about it.

They finally let me into a private room UPSTAIRS (lol), and it was actually large enough to accommodate my pool. My mom suggested I get a shower. So I did. Water was cold though, but I was feeling icky.

I spent the night at the cold fluorescent-lit labor room, my only companions another birthing mother who was wheeled in at 9cm, and a couple of nurses I knew as a kid (yet called me Ma'am) watching a pirated filipino film on a cellphone - "Bakit Lahat ng Gwapo May Boyfriend". My partner wasn't allowed in.

Like I said, my first birthing experience was a luxury compared to this.

Contractions slowed and became irregular.

In the morning, a flurry of nurses entered the labor room and were given instructions by a superior who called me Mary Ann and referred to me to the nurses within earshot as Chawdhury.

I might as well be patient 002 as far as they were concerned.

I didn't feel like this was going anywhere. My OB came in. I asked if I could go back to the private room and if I could lotus birth again. She said it was ok with her. She told me to just tell the nurses if anything hurt and sent me off to my room.

We waited for another day, nurses coming and going to check baby's fetal heart rate and my temperature. I saw the midwife who helped with Malaya. She felt like the warmest person in that hospital. She said maybe my body was looking for the water, and suggested I go home and get into a tub. Maybe it would help speed things up. My doctor checked me the morning after and told me I was still at 5cm, but at least I was 80% effaced. She let me go home.

So home we went. It's been 4 days since, still no baby. No mucus plug or broken waters either though, or pain, except for pelvic pressure. We've tried pineapples, squatting, walking, massages, the pool, all to no avail. He's in anterior cephalic presentation, so it isn't position either. I guess all we really have to do at this point is wait it out. After all, the ultrasound did say his due date is January 30. I just hope he isn't too hard to push out by then.

I've been telling myself that he will come out when he's ready. So we wait.

Birth Plans and Pains Part 2

So we're roughly 27 weeks in with pregnancy number 2. It's a boy. We have a name already, but since we don't know if the baby will look like the name we like, we're going to wait 'til the kid's actual birth day before we spill.

Meanwhile, I've been scouting for birthing possibilities again. Despite the first birthing being a success, the bad vibes that followed with the inter-local health zone has left me looking for a new OB or midwife and a bad taste in my mouth for the govt. I thought maybe after a couple of years and a new administration, we would find more progressive alternatives within Cebu.

But no, the home birth ban is still in effect, water birthing is still considered experimental, and I have yet to meet a health official in these parts who's actually done the research or at least has data. My apprehensions all boil down to hospitals not likely to forgo their procedures for the sake of one crazy mother's request: umbilical non-severance.

Why umbilical non-severance?  

90 seconds to change the world | Alan Greene | TEDxBrussels ...

During the aftermath of Malaya's birthing, I didn't want to move out of the bed. We slept there together, Malaya, Chris and I. he didn't sleep as much as newborns were expected to, he was alert and would stare at everything. He didn't drool, he didn't act hungry (making the nene crying sound, or opening and closing his mouth, or cry at all) for the first 2 days (exactly the amount of time it took for my milk to come in) and didn't start seriously latching until then. He didn't lose any of his birth weight as most newborns are expected to. In short, he didn't act like someone who'd lost a third of his blood. He kicked his own cord off on the 5th day, and it came off clean. This experience has had such a profound effect on me and my partner that we cannot imagine WHY fathers would want the "honor" of cutting off the baby's cord.

These were taken at 6 days old and show you how clean his bellybutton looks. My mom told me it took two weeks before my stump healed when I was a baby.

If there's anything to prove that it will be difficult for me to deliver safely without intervention, that's the only time I'll be comfortable with going to the hospital. I can give birth dry, as long as I'm allowed to labor in water (water birth has proven to actually speed the first stage of labor folks!). If I suddenly develop diarrhea I won't even consider the water. I don't mind giving birth in a lying in clinic, as long as they let us keep the placenta attached.

But one thing that's been repeated to me over and over, even by sympathetic health care providers, was that Philippine hospitals and health officials will NOT compromise their assumptions for experiments they would be liable for, or if successful, would not be able to repeat for lack of budget to change the system.

And this is the problem with my country in general. If there is a way that is better, more progressive, more efficient , but would require a system overhaul, you can bet your placenta that it will meet resistance. Not just from those who benefit from the system, but also from those who are too exhausted to fight it.

The beast feeds itself.

Careful, the whites of your eyes are showing. (Warning: Rant)

With the toilet clogged up, our little family went to the nearby mall to take advantage of the comfort lounge. As I waited for the partner to do his thing, I found myself seated between a very pregnant lady and her partner. The following conversation occurred:

Pregnant lady: I like! Where'd you buy? That's "in" naman these days (referring to the ring sling)
Me: It's a gift from the states
Pregnant lady: Oh? How much?
Me: $$, but you can get ring slings from Rustan's
Pregnant lady: But you can make that man noh? Just buy fabric and rings?
Me: Yeah, you can probably get fabric better suited for tropical weather...
Pregnant lady: Yeah, look at him, he's so comfortable. Nakagawas lang iyang tiil, luoy kaayo. ("His feet are just dangling, how pitiful")
Me: He's too big to fit naman.
Pregnant lady: Let's get ring and fabric nalang na? (referring to her partner, then turns to me, who tried to sit down but couldn't because Laya started protesting) Mas sayon pa jud makabreastfeed noh? ("Easier for breastfeeding yes?")
Me: Oo, pero malingaw na gani siya sa sling, di na pabutang. ("Yeah, but once he starts liking the sling, he won't ever want to be put down")
Pregnant lady: Kay nakagawas man iyang tiil, mapilo man. Luoy kaayo. Nabaptize na na siya? ("Because you let his feet dangle like that, it's folded in. How pitiful. Is he baptized yet?")
Me: Dili...pa ("Not... yet")
Pregnant lady: Ha? Unya gilaag laag na ninyo? Asa man ang daddy? ("What? And you take him out like that? Where's the dad?")
Pregnant lady's hubby: (to wife) Ok ra na, uso naman na ron. ("It's okay, that's common these days")
Me: Naa diha sa sulod. ("He's inside")
Pregnant lady: Didto na na natawo or diri na? ("Did you have him there or here?")
Me: Uh, naghomebirth ko... ("I had a homebirth...")
Pregnant lady: Ha?! Wa ka nahadlok ug infection?! ("What?! Weren't you afraid of infection?!" turns to husband rolling eyes)

Home Sweet Home (Updates and a Feature!)

If I haven't posted anything, it's because things are kinda chaotic right now.

Before anything else though, Offbeat Families published Malaya's birth story the other day!

Overexcited Nanay shared the post, despite having been told off by her peers at the interlocal health zone, after people from our town assumed the waterbirth was a service the local hospital was giving now.

We're back home now. The paint fumes are gone, and the house isn't covered in cat dander anymore. The fire tree outside is in full bloom, with fallen flowers on our pathway like a red carpet for the boy.

Instead of tentacles, this is what Chris did to the vents for the AC:

Achievement Unlocked: Released the kracken

Alternative title: Happy Birthday Malaya Chawdhury-Linaban!

I really didn’t think it was going to be today (or yesterday by the time of this posting). Maybe he knew his paternal lola was arriving from the states early next month and that he needed to give mommy time to recuperate before we could cross the sea to Cebu. Maybe he was just your typical Arian – always rushing into things, just like mommy. Maybe it was the halo-halo we had the day before.

I woke up at 6:30 with what felt like menstrual cramps. I don't know how many times I've read that phrase at the beginning of the scores of birth stories I've read over the months but it just didn't seem real now that it was actually happening to me. On autopilot, I went to the bathroom and took a huge dump - the biggest since getting knocked up. I knew then that this was definitely labor, but couldn't imagine I'd have a baby at the end of the day.

Week 33: Dragon Baby Rising

Like you all said he would, baby's finally found my ribs. With his foot.

He's only ventured this far into my pain threshold once though. I'm probably just so bored that every little new thing he does excites me to the point of gushing over it online.

If it wasn't for this blog, this whole update would have just been one facebook status message: HOMAYGAD HE KICKED MY RIBS!! SO PROUD!!!11one

When he does this more frequently (in how many more days/weeks? Gulp), I expect it'll grow old quick and I'll be back to boredom. Boredom plus occasional rib jabs. That'll be new.

Speaking of boredom, I used to alternate between playing Civ 3 and Skyrim for most of the second trimester. After a faulty install, Civ 3 stopped loading. As for Skyrim, I shamefully admit that I can’t play it without Tito Raushan finishing instances for me anymore. The graphics and sound track freaks me out now. I’ll still remember the words of power during labor Tito Jian, just so it can still be said that this kid is dragonborn.

(This kind of dragonborn works too. Wata!)

I wonder if this sudden squeamishness over every little thing (except kung fu master babies) is going to evolve into the kind of helicopter parent behavior that people roll their eyes at:

Me: Nak, that movie is too dark. Throw it out.
Kid: But ma, you and daddy shot this.
Me: Oh.

(Note to partner: Must make something kid friendly. Also, I miss you and cranapple juice. I don't know what I miss about Cebu the most >:P)

In case of inexplicable irrational feels, I can thankfully blame it on the hormones. So I'm doing that. If this doesn't pass after kid is out, I'll look to the media to blame. Yay for victim mentality.

Now, with nothing left to do while waiting, I got maternal lola to teach me how to crochet.

Pregnancy fears and pet peeves (Warning, rant post)

If your sweet kolehiyala cousin suggests you go on a movie marathon, do not fall for her pretty-pleases and her with-sugar-on-top's. Not unless you want to be subjected to a pastiche of nazi-experiment-zombie/jewish demon fetus fests. (Pregnancy brain just kicked in, and I momentarily disconnected "fetus" with its actual meaning. If you want to know the feeling, try repeating the word over and over til it stops making sense.)

Also, when your jet-lagged partner suggests you watch this franchise sci fi feature with a married female lead, do NOT agree. Not unless you want to see a 45-minute (it felt that long) self c-section conducted by said female lead while removing her Lovecraftian progeny.

Guess what those two movies were. I've spoiled you enough with clues.

All I'm saying is that it does not help the pregnant woman's imagination (and vivid dream life) to expose oneself to negative images of birthing. Unfortunately, they're everywhere.

Take for example this photo:

Please.

Week 32: Instincts Shmintincts

I got another ultrasound today and saw le baby's face for the first time.

I'm convinced that he is the most gwapo creature in the whole wide world (Even though the ultrasound was 2d, reception wasn't clear, my head was facing away from the monitor and the child might as well be humpbacked and harelipped*)!!! ^____^

His tummy is smaller than the rest of him for some reason, and his cord's settled into a loose noose around his neck. The technician told me he isn't in any danger tho, so I guess this just means I need to give in to the food porn more often.

I heard home births weren't allowed in the Philippines anymore months ago. My doctor assured me I'd be able to as long as she assisted with the birthing. But with the due date coming closer and closer (8 weeks to go today!), I decided to investigate my rights. By investigating, I mean:

1. Constantly bugging maternal lola (admin of the local hospital) for information from the DOH representative about the homebirth ban;
2. Googling the keywords "philippine homebirth ban";
3. Asking people on facebook about it.

My investigation proved fruitless, and since I was all set anyway, I didn't bother any further. It sounded too silly to be taken seriously anyway. I mean what are they going to do, sue Nora Aunor**?

Mommy friend Rei told me the homebirth issue was on TV tonight. I don't watch TV tho, so I googled again and found this philstar article about an unnamed NGO opposing the DOH policy posted just tonight (Ah, so it's a DOH policy. Thank you philstar for clearing that up!)

I agree with this group, on all counts.