Birth Plans and Pains Part 2

So we're roughly 27 weeks in with pregnancy number 2. It's a boy. We have a name already, but since we don't know if the baby will look like the name we like, we're going to wait 'til the kid's actual birth day before we spill.

Meanwhile, I've been scouting for birthing possibilities again. Despite the first birthing being a success, the bad vibes that followed with the inter-local health zone has left me looking for a new OB or midwife and a bad taste in my mouth for the govt. I thought maybe after a couple of years and a new administration, we would find more progressive alternatives within Cebu.

But no, the home birth ban is still in effect, water birthing is still considered experimental, and I have yet to meet a health official in these parts who's actually done the research or at least has data. My apprehensions all boil down to hospitals not likely to forgo their procedures for the sake of one crazy mother's request: umbilical non-severance.

Why umbilical non-severance?  

90 seconds to change the world | Alan Greene | TEDxBrussels ...

During the aftermath of Malaya's birthing, I didn't want to move out of the bed. We slept there together, Malaya, Chris and I. he didn't sleep as much as newborns were expected to, he was alert and would stare at everything. He didn't drool, he didn't act hungry (making the nene crying sound, or opening and closing his mouth, or cry at all) for the first 2 days (exactly the amount of time it took for my milk to come in) and didn't start seriously latching until then. He didn't lose any of his birth weight as most newborns are expected to. In short, he didn't act like someone who'd lost a third of his blood. He kicked his own cord off on the 5th day, and it came off clean. This experience has had such a profound effect on me and my partner that we cannot imagine WHY fathers would want the "honor" of cutting off the baby's cord.

These were taken at 6 days old and show you how clean his bellybutton looks. My mom told me it took two weeks before my stump healed when I was a baby.

If there's anything to prove that it will be difficult for me to deliver safely without intervention, that's the only time I'll be comfortable with going to the hospital. I can give birth dry, as long as I'm allowed to labor in water (water birth has proven to actually speed the first stage of labor folks!). If I suddenly develop diarrhea I won't even consider the water. I don't mind giving birth in a lying in clinic, as long as they let us keep the placenta attached.

But one thing that's been repeated to me over and over, even by sympathetic health care providers, was that Philippine hospitals and health officials will NOT compromise their assumptions for experiments they would be liable for, or if successful, would not be able to repeat for lack of budget to change the system.

And this is the problem with my country in general. If there is a way that is better, more progressive, more efficient , but would require a system overhaul, you can bet your placenta that it will meet resistance. Not just from those who benefit from the system, but also from those who are too exhausted to fight it.

The beast feeds itself.

Plus one

So.... baby numero dos is on its way.

The boy is 3 years old now, and while there is a lot to say about his development, we've started keeping a physical portfolio for that, eliminating the need to journal here. Also, he's quickly growing into his own person and I think he prefers Superman to Aquaman (despite my desperate attempts to shield him from cartoons and pop culture. T_T)

Back to baby number 2. I'm 13 weeks into the pregnancy, still no idea what kind of sea monster this one's going to be so I'll talk about what it's like to go back to square one, albeit with toddler (or official child?) in tow.

This wasn't a completely accidental baby, as the partner and I had been open to the possibility of ending up with another "accident". To be honest, I'd been making the father creature read up on ideal age gaps between siblings and he'd chide me with "look for another sperm donor".

Mao ra'y gidangat.

I swear I didn't count on getting knocked up again though, my period's been irregular since Mr Kracken came along, so I had no way to measure ovulation and stuff.

Okay, too much info already. That's not what you're here for. You wanna know what it's going to be.

DRUMROLL PLEASE....

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....

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We don't know yet. SORRY GUYS.

If it's another boy, I expect hurricanes. If it's another girl, I expect a pouty boy. We asked future kuya if he wants a boy or a girl (as if expressing your wishes ever changes the X or Y component of the fertilizing sperm. Lol) and he insists he wants a minion. Hay nako.

I read up on the ramzi method, but we'd been out of the country for a month and weren't able to get that ultrasound until much too late to see whether the fetus was lying on the right or left side.

But it's healthy. Last ultrasound indicated it still had a tail, that was 3 weeks ago. The next check up isn't until after next week. 

I was warned that all pregnancies are different. One notable difference is that I'm not constantly panicking over whether I'm doing the right thing or not. I'm not being as anal about what I'm eating (altho I think I really should be). Another is the near constant morning sickness. I don't remember nausea being this bad the first go. The whole time we were in said other country (murica, the land of milk and munies), I couldn't stomach anything but berries and soup. When we got back, there were no more berries and puking nearly every night. I can't wait to be done with the first trimester.

Last pregnancy, I was in constant awe of ever single milestone. Now I just want to get this over with. The first trimester at least. I am not enjoying the fact that I'd just started getting in gym shape, and now I have no energy to reach my toes (while I still can). The puking is keeping me from turning into a blimp this early, but I haven't been able to get any exercise. I hope things change in the next few weeks though.

I am a little bit worried about how life could change with another kid. We were only starting to have lives again! I was beginning to have a career! Stuff like that. On the other hand, I really did want another, and one not too far away from the first so that we wouldn't have to go back to absolute zero. Certainly not when I'm too old to have worry free pregnancies. I don't know if I want to give birth after 30.

As far as similarities go, I still get crazy pregnancy dreams (but I don't need to be pregnant to have those), still intend to waterbirth, still intend to lotus birth, still intend to attachment parent. Trouble is, I doubt my previous OB will still attend to me. I still haven't found an OB in Cebu who would be open to my preferred birthing method. I checked out options in Murica but am confused about what it means to give birth there without insurance or citizenship.

So I'm gritting my teeth, trying to recall how painful the first time was. I think 3 years really is enough time to forget the ring of fire and start missing baby coo's and sly baby winks.

Which isn't to say I am not enjoying the first one's boyhood. Maybe I feel ready because he's starting to become more independent. He has more favorite people now, and he doesn't need to breastfeed anymore (partially because I've been turning him away because sore breasts during pregnancy are the worst), altho he still does sometimes for comfort. 

So we'll see. In the meantime, any suggestions for baby names?